Is it weird that someone you never knew existed before, can mean so much to you after you first meet?

Why we can’t get over them as quickly as we got on them is beyond my comprehension. 

So I finally saw the movie with my best friends and it’s damn good. As a result, I got into a mental frenzy and wanted to write. Tonight, I want to talk about my flawed ideal of a relationship/girl/etc.

Accepting my fallacy, I wanted to write this as a way to hold myself accountable for my expectations. Therefore, this is my playbook; a way for me to formulate a game plan, or rather, set the promise to myself.

Lately, people have been asking me what my perfect girl is. I would be able to describe that in detail for you if you asked and can even give you an example of a great girl I know (‘infatuated’ from a few post ago). After seeing this movie, I feel comfortable saying that my ideal is crazy. I admit it.

So my old playbook was to accept my girl for their imperfections, but the better promise to myself is this:

Embrace imperfect then you’ll find perfect. 

Let’s embrace Ben’s imperfections because it’s perfect for someone. Care about yourself first. Don’t change and don’t think you are not good enough. You’re imperfect … live it up. I’ve been so drawn to the idea of what others want from me, that I tend to forget that I definitely want to be liked for who I am.

I do want someone who is perfect. This being someone who at least tries. Someone who tries to make me laugh, who tries to play a sport or watch it with me, who tries to be adventurous with me in food and the world, someone who likes me for my unnecessary need to express myself all the time. (like right now).

So if I want someone like that … why can’t I accept the fact that my shortcomings are actually perfect for someone?

My biggest failure is/was/will be embracing my own fallacies and accepting the fact that I am good enough to be someone’s partner, and not just a friend. 

When I like someone. I try too hard. I make mistakes. I drown myself in pity because I felt like I was too needy. too aggressive. too passive. too much. Honestly, it’s because I cared too much what the girl would think. I just thought TOOOO damn much. Every single time.

If my friends can like me for who I am when I’m not thinking about … why can’t I be myself around the girl I like? … It’s so simple! Just be yourself. Right?

So where does this rambling lead to? … well. I’m not sure. I’ve realized that the personal struggle I’m going through in my head is just one of self-doubt. You can almost see it in the most recent posts I put up. I have always had a tough time finding self-confidence. But recently … I can make people laugh. I can make people happy. I can make people rely on me. I seemed to have forgotten that this was more than enough for me. Despite whatever imperfections I have, people still genuinely like me. I just need to remember to always be myself, even around the girl I like.

.. ‘cause if she doesn’t like my imperfections … then fuck it!  >:]  

Embrace imperfect then you’ll find perfect. 
[Stop trying to be perfect .. just be imperfect ben]

 Realizing that I’m pretty awesome is today’s silver lining. Excelsior