*If you don’t like reading about people’s thoughts or are critical … maybe you shouldn’t read this. It’s for personal satisfaction and to share my understanding of the world to those who may have missed something.I understand this is in a public viewing space. I fully accept whatever may come, but this is a look into ME. SelfTitled.* i love metaphors. :]

So it’s been awhile since I last expressed my feelings on this thing. But new days, new experiences, and new people lead to new lessons! So let’s check, shall we? *plus, sharing these things make me feel better. I don’t know why*

Everytime I start liking someone, I do stupid things! Without fail! Haha. The curse and gift is that I’m a sensitive and thoughtful soul. One that flourishes on happy moments and thoughts! But crumbles to insecurities and doubts. I hate it most of the time, but it’s something I think is worthy of putting up with. Not only for myself, but for them. self-realization and -acceptance. check.

See, what I’ve come to realize (yesterday, in fact) is that I’m selfish. I’m selfish for constantly trying to make them think about me. I apparently think that consistent contact is a good thing. My logic is that: if I continually tried to text or see them, that they’ll keep thinking of me; when will he come back? when will he text again? Because in all honesty, I think about them all the time. The only difference is that I try too hard to make them have that same feeling. And it’s the WRONG way to approach this. I like to over think about all the good things that we can do and be together (They should think of those cool things by themselves!), but then that curse of mine kicks in. These wishful thoughts lead to more doubts and insecurities. Mainly about myself. It makes me continue to try and maintain that presence even harder. This selfishness leads to … suffocation. It’s wrong for me to try so hard. It changes me, it makes them see me different. It makes me annoying. YIKES. So I should stop/did stop, because it benefits everyone. ephiphany. check. 

Another thing I just said recently was that I forgot myself somewhere, but rather, I actually changed who I am and became that sensitive, over-analytical, worrier. I think I did truly change this week. I got so caught up in my thoughts and constant choking that I forgot that I’m a good (edit*) damn great person. If this person likes me, which I hope this person still does, then I should believe that she deserves me as much as I deserve her. I shouldn’t be insecure about myself. I got over it many times before, but this time felt different. As a result of my recent soul searching, and advice seeking, I’ve learned more about myself. No matter where I am, be it new place/community/setting where I know no one, I should always be myself. I should never compare myself to anyone, because am different than those other fools, and that I need not worry myself to be better than anyone. Simply because I am better. I need to be myself >:] . check.

So where to next?! Honestly, no where. I wish there was a reset button, but sometimes, I’m glad there isn’t. Like every performance on stage, you hit some bad notes, but that doesn’t mean it’s over. You just hope your audience didn’t lose hope in you. Whether or not they do, you got to keep singing because YOU love it. Hoping to get back to that hook and write a new verse. Mic Check?_1_5_4_3_